So I'm back from outa space. I just walked in to find you here with that look upon your face.
No seriously, I’ve just been busy. You know, being interesting. Where was I?
First they took The Gilmore Girls off air, then its spiritual successor, Bunheads. I couldn’t help it; I went into a bit of a decline. I pushed all my furniture into the backyard and set it on fire. Then I grew a beard, smoked a few thousand cigars, and refused to talk to anyone for six months.
A year later I became a Father. Twice. Both times completely by accident, too. (They shouldn’t leave provocative magazines laying around in IVF clinics). Like anyone in my predicament I endeavoured to do the responsible thing (run away to New Zealand where nobody would find me) but they seem to like hanging out with me (especially between three and five each morning for some unholy reason) so I decided to stick it out. I had to give up the cigar smoking though. A greater sacrifice hath no man made, by the way.
So nowadays I have two small children. And I like them a lot, too. It’s still too early to tell which is going to be my favourite but as you can guess, I’m pretty-much rocking this whole parenting thing.
Then I wrote a book.
Oh yeah. Then I wrote a book. It’s a deeply serious book about how I stole the famous skull of Phineas Gage from Harvard University this one time, and I’m looking to publish it as a work of fiction (for legal reasons) next year. But let’s not yap about it now. Let’s look at the latest cards.